I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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