Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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