you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize