i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
