i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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