She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
