apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
