I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I want her autograph on my taint
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
