If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
