Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
