i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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