You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
