i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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