I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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