What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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