Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
