so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
