am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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