I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize