If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
