Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize