yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
