i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
