Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
