She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
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