please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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