so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
