just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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