Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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