You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize