That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
