I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Randomize
