I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
