I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
