We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
FUCK WHALES
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
