I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
this just has baby written all over it
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
