Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
