and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
