Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
