she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
