she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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