HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
