Duck Duck Cougar?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She even gives head with a lisp.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Randomize
