Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Randomize