I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
