; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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