Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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