i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize