So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
