Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Randomize
