puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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