Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
