I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
