White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
