we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You made out with two different species that night
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
