she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
