Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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