Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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