i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
