That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
