Plan B is the new Plan A
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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