Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize