singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
