i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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